your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
