i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wakey wakey hands off snakey
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
