When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
