Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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