hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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