Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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