Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
