so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
