The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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