I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
