Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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