just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
