You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
