My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We don't watch enough power rangers
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
