Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
