She is in my trunk
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Send help, water and tortillas.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
