there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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