I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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