whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize