The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
