you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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