loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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