What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
