Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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