Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My cat gives me a boner
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
