New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Green mimosas i think yes
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
