yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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