pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Randomize