i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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