So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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