i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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