my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
