my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
