You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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