a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
