Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
