Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
