I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
