break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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