take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
