It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
