Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
