If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
