I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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