how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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