So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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