Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
