when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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