It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
