Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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