Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
