it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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