I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
