the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
