he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
