oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
