just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
