I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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