he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
