She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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