First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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