It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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