hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
