Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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