We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
