i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
