He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
