:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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