You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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