i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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