Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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